The Gallows of my Heart

An unfulfilled dream – a crown of thorns…
Tomorrows’ desires – so close yet so far…
Tying me down, both of them,
This to the future, that to the past.

I try to make the present my abode.
Reflections of failures and shades of uncertainty
Make the present no more different –
‘tis the future I feared…will be the past I shall mourn.

I escape from the oceans of heartless sorrow
Into the drop within…
Little do I know, that the drop is an ocean –
Of endless regret, of unholy desire.
I am lost in transition, I am lost in the ocean.

I erect walls around me…
Walls of benediction; protecting me from uncertainties to come.
But the walls they deceive me, protecting me not from regrets of the past.
Nay. They are the walls of malice, of endemic ambivalence.

I look at the lines on my face…
A scar for each one on my heart.
I search in desperation, for that companionless wrinkle. I find… none.
C’est a la vie.

I wait for retribution, for that sweet dirge.
For then there shall be no regret, there shall be no fear.
For then I shall sleep… without the fear of wakening.

Mairaj Zindran